The more familiar you become with exam halls, the more familiar you become with those that lie within. And who are they? The swot, the overconfident one, and, everyone's favourite, the slacker. Bon appetite.
1. The One Who Thinks They Know Everything
 |
| thinks is the Brain. Is not the Brain. |
Before:
Ugh. Met her at the start of my first exam. She was chattering away at full speed to a group of vaguely interested onlookers about how she 'read this great book about ha ha Chaucer ha ha'.
This is NOT FUNNY. What is funny about that? We all read a great book about Chaucer. It was on our bloody course.
What not to say: The above two sentences.
During:
You can just see her. Scribbling notes down like the new time. Asking for more paper. Looking anxiously around. Fixing her nails. Going to the bathroom. Asking questions that go unanswered. Taking off her jumper. Putting it on. Scratching her leg. Drinking water. Eating.
Distracting it may be, but it is a bit of a funny meltdown.
After:
Comes out laughing. Chats about how she 'didn't know it but answered it anyway' (followed by an expectant look: what do you want, a round of applause?) then sweeps off to go and get coffee before the next exam.
See Also: don't bother, this one's in a league of her own
2. The One Who 'Doesn't Know Anything' But Actually Knows Everything
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| is actually the Brain |
Before:
'Stressing' about how he doesn't know anything, peering out over his perfectly-ordered folder.
Seriously, he says, I know nothing!
What not to say: 'I know nothing!' - you'll only encourage him.
During:
Scribbling like a madman, scratching tiny, beautiful words into the yellow paper with his one pen. Finishes 10 minutes before the end and spends that time LOOKING OVER IT.
(Who does that?)
After:
Quietly agreeing with everyone who tells him they failed. Definitely, he says, didn't know anything.
But we know. Oh, we know. We see that twinkle in his wily eyes. We know that he knows, well, everything.
See also: the Eager Beaver, the Perfectionist, the Overconfident Achiever
3. The One Who Actually Doesn't Know Anything
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| is nothing like the Brain |
Before:
She's late. She doesn't have her student card but evades a fine like all good slackers.
During:
Writes idly, like she's doing a crossword (I don't think she knows what a crossword is, though). Draws on her arm and is given out to by the supervisor. Goes to the bathroom every 15 minutes before leaving after an hour.
After:
Probably spent the last hour of the exam outside smoking. Because that's where she is when everyone else comes out. Overheard talking about 'some Medieval shit' to a cool friend.
See also: The 'Why Not?' Repeat Student, The Too Cool For School Kid
I haven't planned ahead enough to tell you what I'll be writing about next, but meantime look at these:
http://funnyexam.com/ - as seen on the Graham Norton show and including such gems as this:
And catch up with the Brain again:
Bon Blog!
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