Hello loyal someones. During my search for cold cures the other day, I discovered a magical bottle of turquoise blue cough syrup that claimed to be a hybrid of peach and vanilla flavors that I think the entire world should be aware of. I know. A cough syrup that tastes like vanilla and sweet peach. Where has this been all my life? Humph. We shall soon find out.
I took the bottle from its box, set the plastic measuring cup on the tabletop, and twisted the cap. Of course, it was a child-lock cap. That's what this cold-cure confection had been hiding behind.
Which leads me to this list, one of those that goes under the heading of So Angry I Made A List. So here we are. Child-lock caps and Other Inventions I Hate.
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| trying to trick me by being smartie-coloured |
1. Child-Lock Caps
These are not child-lock caps. I am 19 years old, almost 20, and it takes me ten minutes to remove a 'child-proof' cap with the aid of a toothpick and a teacloth. I have a cousin who has been plucking those lids off Calpol bottles since she was eight. If you don't want your children to run around gulping down copious amounts of golden-tinged Benylin For Dry Cough syrup, then do what it says on the tin: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. Child-proof bottle-stoppers are not child-proof. They work against certain people (e.g. me) and glide off effortlessly for others (who could easily be your 4-year-old niece). Whoever came up with this sucks. And besides, there are far more dangerous things that kids can get their hands on these days. Like knives (only a drawer handle away!), paperweights, and a copy of Miley Cyrus' latest album.
2. Reclining Seats in Economy Class
The inventor of these was clearly trying to do a good deed, and make Economy class more bearable for you and me and everyone we know (except for that person that we all know who flies first class and then moans about how long the flight was - we've got other things to contend with, lady. Like teeny television screens, people sleeping on top of us, and the fat guy in front of us who reclines his seat and squishes our legs for ten hours). However, he failed, and instead succeeded in making economy class A LIVING NIGHTMARE, where Daniel Radcliffe is right up in your face fighting ghosts.
On top of this, I can never get my seat to recline. Oh, cruel world.
3. School Prize Day
Who enjoys this? Every year on the 24th of May our school had possibly the longest prize day in the country. One one hand, it was the only day in the year when the nerds could finally be recognized. And when they were recognised, they drove us all crazy. Yes, you won a prize for maths. No, I don't particularly care. On the other, our prize day had the added fun of rewarding nobodies. People got prizes for manners. Prizes for neat uniforms. Prizes for shoe-tying. The principal talked about climate change. The RE teachers talked about the 'Living Community' (still unsure what this means. But am intrigued to know about the Dead Community which they never seemed to mention). Sixth years talked about God.
Whoever invented prizes for school should really be noted for being one of the worst inventors in modern history.
4. Fringe
This has been wrong ever since the days of the Wild West Texas Ranger. And it's still wrong. It will never be right. Dangling pieces of faux-suede tacked onto your handbag/jacket/shoe is just never going to be a good look. Ever. Same goes for wrap dresses on the overweight, leggings on the over-forties, and patterned tights on pretty much anyone.
5. 9am Lectures, 2pm Lectures and 5pm Lectures On The Same Day
Yes, I've only got ten hours a week. Yes, I know most people work from nine through two and until five, but that is arguably less irritating than coming in at nine and then either having to go home for half an hour before rushing out the door again, or sticking around and wasting away in some godforsaken corner of the Science Building. What can you do from eleven to two that's in any way productive? Go to the gym? And what are we supposed to do from three until five? Read?
Not cool, college, not cool.
And a Mildly Interesting Thing I found during the week:
This movie, which I saw last year at 2am on some godforsaken channel after an ill-advised night out: The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (Le Charme Discret de la Bourgeoisie, if you're being all art house), is being re-released this month (it's from 1972). It's a bit of a gem if you like swish European stuff (sort of), posh people (sort of), intrigue (sort of), missing dinner dates (sort of), hallucinations (sort of), 70s French fashion, and drug mix-ups (sort of). And who doesn't? Come on, it's old and it's French and it doesn't have Kristen Stewart in it.
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| no K-Stew over there... or over here... |
Check it out! And bon Blog!
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